Was It a Cult, or a Dysfunctional Family?

Every week, my friend and I have what we call our “Work Anonymous” call.

A co-worker who became a friend after decades of togetherness. Both restructured.

One rule: we catch up on what’s happening in our lives TODAY.
Not the company. Not the past. Or at least we try.

Somehow, we always end up talking about “our” company. The same one that literally gave us our walking papers. Every. Single. Week.

She said jokingly, “It’s like being in a dysfunctional family.” And without thinking, I said: “It’s more like we were in a cult!”

That night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept thinking, was it a cult?

So, I googled it — “how do you know if you are in a cult?”

What do you know… I think I need reprogramming.

What Are the Criteria to be in a Cult?

Every article boiled down to the same patterns.

I read the first one and thought, “Well, sure, but that’s just respect.” Read the second, and my scroll slowed down. By the third one, I was staring at my phone in the dark, wondering if the algorithm was working in the background!

Interesting, if we swap "cult" for "dysfunctional family," the criteria still fit. I went with cult.

Probably should have stopped at that point, as my brain went into full processing mode and kept me awake until sunrise!

Why Do I Still Call Them Great?

Even now, most of me still calls my “ex-company” great!

I survived 2 Presidents, then 2 CEOs. Four completely different leaders, four completely different styles. Every one of them walked in with a “transformational” vision. None of them realized — the culture ran them.

Like the Borg Collective — you didn’t question, you either complied or you were out, because resistance was futile. There was only “We.” Question that, and you weren’t just wrong — you were a traitor.

Did I miss the assimilation without knowing?

To be honest? It felt good being on the inside.
The perks, the access, the ego. That was hard to walk away from.

Did I Believe What I Propagated?

We were masters of the propaganda machine. To be fair, we did have the best product in the market and a technology genius running the company.

Wait, is that true, or is that just our marketing?

Before I drank the Kool-Aid, I underwent media training with a well-known former producer of 60 Minutes. He was amazing, and I learned the craft of concise talking points, short ‘quotable’ phrases, techniques to handle hostile challenges, and pivots for difficult questions.

The short version: know what you want to say, say it over and over again, even if people question or refute it; just control your voice & tone, then say the same thing without blinking. And if they are like a pit bull and won’t let go, discredit their judgment and intelligence just with a smile!

Once you learn the playbook, you start seeing it everywhere. News. Social media.

Did I believe what I propagated?
At the time — absolutely.
That’s what made me so good at it.

What Made Me Choose Them Over My Family?

Okay – I never gave up my family, not a chance!

Then there’s Chris again, the voice of reason. “Well, you did commute from the East Coast to the West Coast every week for 15 years, then you were on the road every week other than the weekends for 7 years.”

My defensive voice chimed in loudly – “That was part of the job! That’s what paid for our home, our cars, our vacations, our retirement, our…”

The sentence just... stopped.

Like a light bulb just clicked on in my brain.
Oh Fuck! Yes, I see it now... “that’s giving up my family.”

And I made that choice all on my own!

What Do I Do With 'We' Now?

I went into this half-joking. Thinking I’d get one or two things to talk about with my friend.

Was it a cult? Or just a really dysfunctional family I chose?
Honestly? I still can’t tell.

My instinct is to explain why it wasn’t like that! Why WE were different! And my brain wants to defend the decisions I’ve made over the past 30 years.

See the problem?

Here’s what I am doing this week. Every time I say “we” about the company that let me go. I’m just going to… correct myself and say “it’s not WE anymore!”

And then deal with the fact that I still don’t know who “I” am without the “we.”

That's the truth that will keep nagging at me until I accept it as fact.

And if this move sounds too small to matter? It’s not.

Lots of people came and went; I chose to stay and climb.
I wasn’t a victim — I was a willing participant.

I liked being inside. And the hardest thing isn’t leaving. It’s admitting I was the one who loved it, needed it, and propagated it.

That’s on me, not on the Borg Collective.

Your Move?

Do you have your version of “we”?

Maybe it’s the company. Maybe it’s the party. Maybe it’s the family — the one you were born into, or the one you chose — that you defend at every holiday!

Not ten years ago. Right now.

If you flinched, pay attention to that, don’t argue with it, and definitely don’t talk yourself out of it!

They say you can’t choose your family. But you can choose to stop saying “we.”

Would recommend not doing it at midnight, unless you want to purposely see the sunrise!

Life Interrupted for a reason.
Whatever your move is... Make it unapologetically yours.

P.S. If this one made you flinch — or defend — I’d love to know. A text, an email, a reply — whatever feels right. And if you want more like this, tap “More like this” below the newsletter — good for me to know I’m not writing into the void.

P.P.S. Know someone who still says “we” about a place that shut the door on them? Or defends a table they’re no longer sitting at? Forward this to them — there’s a seat at the Table for them every Sunday.