Can't You See I'm Just Being Helpful!

Why Do People Feel Like I’m Talking AT Them?

Every Monday, a bunch of you email or text me your thoughts. Thank you — it’s nice to know I’m not just writing into the void.

This week, one reader emailed: “I usually see myself in your blogs, in the messy middle with you. This one felt like you were talking AT me, like a child.”

Another: “Your blogs usually give me different perspectives to consider. This one, not so much.”

At dinner, I mentioned this to Chris, and he smiled — the smile that he knows he can get away with anything — “You don’t know this about yourself? When you’re curious about something, you ask a ton of questions, then process it in that big brain of yours like a computer. If it’s something you already know, you dictate, direct, and tell me what to do.”

Then he adds, “I have to remind you that I don’t work for you.”

Really?

Okay, maybe if it’s something we’ve talked about a thousand times!
Then I concede: “Okay, fine. I do tell him what to do — all the time.”

Could this be why my friendship with my childhood BFF expired?
Was I telling her what to do, or suggesting a different viewpoint?
Think a pattern is starting to form here.

Why Does “Here's What You Should Do” Sound Like I Am Bossing You Around?

Then on a call with my sister, M, she just blurts out,

“BTW - I hated your last blog!
I couldn’t even finish reading it!
You know I hate it when people tell me what to do!”

Hmm. This from the woman who’s been telling me what to do since I was born.

Asked Claude, my AI staff: “Same voice — direct and honest. But the last published post was directive, not curious.”

Chris, My Sister, Claude.ai.
Three for Three.
At least I am batting a thousand.

This Tuesday morning, I did what I would do each week — with a keen awareness to identify what I am doing differently. Sat at my Mac, dumped all the jumbled thoughts in my head, and picked the one that I needed to figure out first — which ended up with this one, of course!

Wait!
I just picked the one that "needed a solution."

Interesting!

As I started to write the draft for this blog, there she was — Work Me, front and center.

She started by investigating the problem, building the case for why the last post provided the solution, and outlining the direction that would be helpful to every reader.

Ugh. She clearly missed the memo that this is my personal blog, where I am in the Unscripted Middle — no longer the me of yesterday, not quite there for the transformed me of tomorrow — just figuring out today’s version of me.

Does she not know that I am not a project for her to solve?

Or, is she just my armor?
Because it's awfully uncomfortable sitting in the Unscripted Middle.

Is It Me, Or Is Being Considerate Exhausting?

As the week went on, I caught Work Me trying to sneak in on repeat: “You know what to do next” or “Just get to the outcome.” In a text I was typing out to a friend. Even tried to tell my mom what she needed for her pacemaker — like I have a medical degree! Everywhere!

When “You need to…” starts the thought, I started to throw the penalty flag.

I don’t think Work Me will ever go away. She paid the bills and earned her pension. Plus, I actually like how her brain works — in the right situation.

But if it’s about something deeply personal — like discovering TODAY’s me, or a conversation with people I love — she will no longer automatically get the mic.

I’ll TRY not to TELL Chris what to do and instead ask it like a question. Maybe I’ll even remember to thank him for putting the dishes in the sink! NOT!

I reserve the right to think in my own head, “Oh my God, didn’t we talk about this yesterday? If you just did this my way, we would be done already!”

That’s the move for now: notice, pause, and let one “here’s what you should do” comment die in my throat every day.

Your Move?

Do you have a version of you that’s really, really good...
That shows up without being invited or offers her opinion without being asked?

Maybe you “helped” a friend plan a party and ended up running the show.
Maybe you “gave your thoughts” with your friends and noticed they stopped asking.
Maybe your own kids can predict the “here’s what you should do” speech before you say a word.

That version of you might even be the reason things actually got done in your world, and got done right the first time around!

You don't need to kick her out of the house.
You might just want to check if the people in your world want her around 24x7!

Life Interrupted for a reason.
Whatever your move is...
Make it unapologetically yours.

P.S. Thank you for texting or emailing me your comments. ❤️ Would be great if you could tap “More like this” below — if I didn't TALK AT you this time.

P.P.S. You thought of someone while you were reading this. I know you did. Forward it to her — you don’t have to explain why. She’ll get it.