AI APOLOGIZED: NOT MEETING MY EXPECTATIONS

The 4 AM Apology

Late one night last week, working through my blog outreach plan with AI as my collaboration tool, I was frustrated - furiously typing and questioning why things weren't moving faster or why the output wasn't up to my standards.

And then the AIs - ChatGPT, Claude, Perplexity, Gemini - all started apologizing.

For not moving quickly enough. For not delivering what I wanted. For not meeting my expectations.

Maybe it was the 4 a.m. delirium.
Or maybe it was self-realization.
It dawned on me that AI - literally a technology built for productivity and efficiency - couldn't keep up with my demands.

So who the hell can?
Was I like this with humans too?

I See Your Potential - So Should You!

I've been called intense and demanding. Heard the murmur of "fucking bitch" since early in my career.

Those words actually fueled me.
Didn't deter me one bit.

I've always held myself to a high bar.
"What do you mean you can't?
Of course you can."
Zero experience?
I'll figure it out.

My parents drilled this into me:
"You can do anything as long as you put in the effort and focus on getting there."

My translation:
potential is about working hard enough.

Add my competitive streak - do it quicker and better than anyone else!

You end up with the belief...
there is no excuse not to achieve it immediately.

So when I look at people, I project what they could become. And somehow over the past three decades I made it my responsibility to ensure they met it.
On my timeline.

People who worked for me went on to start companies and become executives. Colleagues sent their children to me for internships.

Many thrived. Others burned out.

If they burned out, my first thought wasn't "maybe I pushed too hard."
It was "they're not working hard enough or keeping up."

Yikes. Not exactly helping people succeed!

Was I just dragging them toward my assessment, my pace - and disappointed when they couldn't keep up?

Now that I'm thinking about it - I'm not sure I ever asked if they saw their potential. Or if they even knew I was keeping score.

Three Mirrors, Same Reflections

Instead of wondering, I set out searching for answers.

First, the gurus: Psychologists call it "other-oriented perfectionism" - control issues disguised as being helpful!

The generic advice? Lower your expectations. Embrace "good enough." Stop micromanaging.

Come on... I don't have control issues, and I definitely don't micromanage!
Says every controlling perfectionist ever! 

Outreach to past directs: They all said the same thing. Yes, it was challenging - it did lead them to success! Think they were being polite?

Another common theme: "You don't want to get that call from JT" - the one where I politely smile and ask why you're not delivering on your abilities.

Not sure if that's good or bad. They still call me, so...

Those closest to me: Then Chris chimed in with, "You know you have no patience, right? If I'm taking my time doing something you asked for, you jump in and do it yourself. You think I'm too slow!"

Then I thought about my son. Did the pressure shape his foundation, or would he have achieved anyway?

I'll never know.

Fine. Here's what I'll concede.

Whether I'm driving people toward MY version of their potential OR jumping in because they're "too slow" - the pattern is the same.

I'm not giving people space to be who they are at their own pace?

It's not about having high standards; it's assigning them like silent homework!

Annoying.

My Standards Can Stay - My Aim Needs to Change

It feels illogical to lower the bar for myself and others, as the gurus suggest.

That's a hard pass for me.

Here's what makes more sense:
I can see potential in people.

What I should not do?

Drive them forward on MY timeline.
Or jump in and take over when their pace is not fast enough for me.

My Logical Conclusion?

I can keep my high expectations and my impatience - for myself.

I just don't get to assign either one to other people, especially without them knowing I'm keeping score on the timeline to achieving them!

Finally Noticing

This all hit late last week - give me some time on this one.

Right now? I'm just paying more attention to my interactions with the humans around me. Not just Chris, my family, or my friends - everyone.

Do I still think "don't you see your potential?" or "what do you mean that's not done yet?" Absolutely.

But at least now I'm catching myself before saying it out loud.
Now I just need to control my facial expressions!

But AI? I'm still going to be demanding there. I need a venue for my neurotic tendencies without hurting someone's feelings.

Your Move?

Think of one person you're mentally disappointed in right now.

What if they're succeeding at the life they want - not the one you drafted for them?

What if they're moving at the pace that's right for them - not the one you decided they should hit?

Before your next "you've got more in you" pep talk - or before you jump in and take over - ask:

Do you even want this version of more?
And do you want it on my timeline?

Let me know what you find out.

Next Week: Friendships With Expiration Dates

P.S. If a friend sent this to you and you thought "that's me," pull up a chair every Sunday by subscribing.
P.P.S. If someone popped into your head while you were reading, forward this her way.
P.P.P.S. If you're wondering how I got here: I got restructured by AI, spent three weeks planning instead of doing anything, at the same time my face staged a hostile takeover. Then realized I weaponized my hobbies. Standard stuff.